Feedback on A Ghost Story

In the LICH meetup, we were about six people gathered around a table. Keku the organizer asked me to present my piece. I felt nervous and asked if anyone would volunteer to read my story. One of the ladies readily agreed and started to read.

As she read, I felt that certain words didn't come out easily - I felt I have used a strange juxtaposition of words which sometimes sounded a discordant note. But no one mentioned it. It was received well and they appeared to have enjoyed it. The reader mentioned in between that she found it interesting. Another said it was good.

One lady commented that the title was not appropriate. I said I suck on titles, never seem to get the right one for the story. She said it was not just a ghost story; it seemed much more than that, something that conveyed more, like a dream within a dream which included something that actually happened. This made me think and wondered if I had not fully appreciated what I wrote. The story reminded them of a movie Inception which I did not see.

I felt good. It occured to me that I must get my stuff read out so that I could feel the flow of the narrative. This time I felt it just did not sound right in some places. Perhaps I use too many complex and long sentences. I should break them down into simple sentences, present one idea at a time. Like Paulo Coelho did in The Alchemist.

Story available at http://www.ryze.com/posttopic.php?topicid=1078814&confid=1199

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